iNeed a New MacBook

It pains me that I haven't blogged in so long.  This whole not-having-a-computer thing stinks.  Big time.

I have come to the sad - but necessary - conclusion that the chunk of change I had saved for my camera needs to go toward a new computer.  It hit me the other night when I snagged Jim's computer after dinner and worked on it until bedtime, that not one thing I was doing was wasteful.  I wasn't surfing the internet or watching YouTube... I was responding to emails that had been sitting in my inbox for five days, I was doing research for Women's Ministry stuff for church, and I was setting up a meal calendar for a friend who had a baby.  Even though a great camera would be a wonderful investment and an awesome creative outlet, a computer is a necessary tool for me.  At this current point in my life, I can't use a camera to serve God the way I can use a computer.  God has blessed me with the gift of administration, and I haven't been able to use it!

So, I need to keep saving to get a new laptop that will allow me to fulfill my Etsy orders, store my whole photo library, and basically pick up where I left off.  I have explored my options, and I know now what I need.  I am just hopeful that I can get something before Jim's classes really take off this fall and I am left high and dry.  I wouldn't say I'm striking a deal with God (because that doesn't seem so biblical!), but I certainly am asking Him to honor my decision.  As of right now, any extra money is going toward medical bills, so it would definitely take some divine intervention for this to happen.  I certainly don't know God's plan, but I'm not counting against that possibility.

Finishing Cora's Room

A few weeks ago I finally got around to tackling a house project.  It felt SO good to be back in the game!

One of my house goals was to paint a few pieces of furniture this year, but I had to wait until sweet baby boy was out of my tummy.  Here is furniture piece number one, Cora's nightstand, before I got my hands paintbrush on it.:

And here it is after:

I chose a shade of white that matched the existing furniture (which is not true white or ivory), and I bought a pink drawer pull at Hobby Lobby.  I'd love to tell you this was super cheap, but the project cost a little more than I had hoped because I had to buy special primer, some new rollers, and a few other things.  At least now I will have those things to tackle my next two paint projects.

Before Seth was born, I managed to paint a piece of artwork for Cora's room.  It isn't totally done because I want to go back and clean up the stripes at the bottom of the painting, but in case that never happens, I should probably go ahead and post some pictures of it in its current state:

Here are a few other views of the room:

Other than touching up the canvas, this room is done!  At some point I'd love to add seating under the window that connects the two bookshelves (and shorten the curtains to the necessary height), but I have other things in the house I need to do more.  I also know the bookshelves will fill up on their own as Cora grows, so I'm not in a huge hurry to accessorize them.

It's a beautiful day... I think I may have to get the paintbrush out again in another room!!  :-)

Kicking Off the Summer

The last few weeks have been a flurry of activity.  In my last post, I complained about some of the difficult things we've been dealing with, but we have had some really great moments, as well.

Two weeks ago, Brennan finished kindergarten.  I can't believe my little boy is done with his first year of school.

Brennan's school did a super cute program for the end of the year.  It was honestly so well done.  I've been in lots of schools over the years, and I have never seen such a darling, appropriate, and well-executed end-of-year program.  And to pull it off with over 100 kindergarteners was no small feat.

Even though Brennan missed the last two full days of school, he was able to go back for the last half day to get his report card and say goodbye to his teacher and friends.  He made this adorable letter for his teacher:

When Brennan got home from school on his last day, I had a banner for him hanging in the doorway.  After he had his picture taken with it, I made him break through it to get into the house.  :-)

Nana was inside waiting for him so she could take him to the zoo.

Another thing that came to an end for Brennan was soccer season.  His team finished the year strong, and even though every child got the same trophy, Brennan was very proud.

This past Monday we all went with my mom to the newly-reopened Rainforest Cafe at Opry Mills Mall.  The kids haven't been in a few years (it has been closed since the flood two years ago), and Brennan didn't remember anything about it except the hippo that used to scare him.  (He thinks it is pretty cool now.)

We had a gift card that was given to my mom for her work with the A Cappella Choir back in our home town, and it was just such an awesome present!  Brennan and Cora were in awe the whole time watching the animals move and waiting for the next "thunderstorm."  

Besides all of these special moments, we have enjoyed simply being outside in the sunshine playing on the slip and slide and eating meals on the picnic table.  

My mom leaves to go back to New York in the morning, and we will officially be on our own as a family of five.  We have ten weeks of summer ahead of us, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm scared.  But we will just take one day at a time and count our blessings...

...like s'mores and campfires.  Life is good.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

I am writing this post from Jim's computer because I don't have one anymore.  My house is currently 83 degrees and I am miserably hot because our conditioner keeps breaking.  My kids have been sick for an entire week with sore throats, fevers, vomiting and diarrhea, and Brennan missed his last two days of kindergarten.  To say that this has been a hard week is a major understatement.

(If you aren't too depressed to stay with me, here are some of the details:)

Last Saturday when I tried to turn on my computer, it just wouldn't turn on.  The Geek Squad (aka Jim) looked at it, and he there was nothing we could do.  He saved my hard drive and all of my work, photos, etc., but the machine itself was dead.  It is four years old, and I honestly don't know if a day has ever gone by that I haven't used it.  All of that use and abuse was bound to catch up with us sooner or later, but I just wasn't prepared.

I started writing a blog post a week or two ago about how I have been saving money for the last six months for my first decent camera.  I have wanted to own a good camera and take classes for about sixteen years now, and in December I decided that it was time to embrace the dream, even if it took a year to save enough mad money.  I have done lots of research, talked off the ears of several of my photographer friends, and saved about $450, but it now looks like I will need to give up on the camera yet again and put the money towards a new computer.  It's dumb, but it has actually made me cry.

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When we were building our house, we questioned the single air conditioning unit that was supposed to cool our 3000+ square foot house.  We were assured that it was an Energy Star home and didn't need more than one unit.  Even though we were skeptical, we bought the hype.  Two years and many issues later, we wish we had trusted our instincts.  We now have a technician making a house call at 9:00 on a Saturday night.  He is telling us that some freon will "get us by" until a store opens on Tuesday.  This just had to happen on Memorial Day Weekend.

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Last Sunday when I got up for church, Brennan told me his stomach felt yucky and he was hot.  He had a fever and it was decided that he would stay home with Jim while Cora, Seth, and I went to church.  As we were getting ready to leave, Cora vomited all over the floor.  The next seven days were a roller coaster ride of one kid getting better while the other showed new symptoms.  I am hopeful tonight that everyone is on the mend, but I don't know what to think anymore.

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If I were reading this on someone else's blog, I'd be tempted to tell them that it will all get better soon.  And it's probably true.  But today, for me, it doesn't feel like it.  Every day is a struggle with cranky kids and new challenges.  I feel disconnected.  I feel overwhelmed.  I feel like nothing in my life is mine right now.  I can't wear any of my own clothes.  I can't have a conversation without being interrupted thirty-six times.  I can't send an email until my husband gets home at night with a computer.  I can't run errands or go anywhere without thinking through everyone's schedules.  I can't even go to bed at night to get a break.   I can't continue to pursue the one thing I was doing for me without sacrificing major sanity points.

I know it's all temporary.  I've survived the newborn stage two other times and know that it is fleeting.  But when I'm sitting in a sauna house with cranky kids who want to watch another television show and my middle child throws a tantrum and refuses to go upstairs and take a nap and I lose track of how much powdered sugar I've put in my recipe and I can't get onto my computer to look up said recipe, and my newborn needs to nurse, I just feel like I am going to crack.

Last night a couple of friends took me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, and I felt like I was watching the whole evening through a piece of thick glass.  I heard every word and enjoyed my friends completely, but I didn't feel like a participant.  I couldn't laugh with my whole heart, I couldn't relax, and I couldn't think of anything witty to say.  I worried the whole time that they were thinking, "Melissa hasn't been very fun in about a year.  I don't want to hang out with her anymore."  I hope that's not true because I need tons of support right now.

I am eager to get everyone well, find a summer schedule that works for us (I had just found my stride and then the school year ended!), and start being fun again.  Maybe I need to go line dancing or kayaking or something new this fall when I don't have a baby tethered to my breast.  Who's in?  :-)

Busy and Fun

Life has been busy and fun this past two weeks.  Here are a few highlights:

Brennan is playing outdoor soccer this season, and Jim is his assistant coach.  Their team is undefeated with only a couple of games left, but there is really no emphasis on scores at this age.  They are playing hard and having a great time.

Seth turned one month old on Friday.  He is getting so big!

We are constantly amazed at how much Seth looks like Brennan.  Check out these pictures below of the two boys at 3 - 4 weeks of age (isn't it crazy how strong their necks are?!  It makes them look six months old!!):

(Use your thumbs to cover up their hair...  Isn't it wild?)

I went to a Mexican mustache baby shower for my friend Janna last week, and it was a lot of fun.  Everyone got in on the action, including the youngest partygoers.

We are getting into a groove around here schedule-wise, and I have even lost four pounds in the last eight days.  I totally changed the way I was eating, and obviously it has helped.  Things are looking up.

Appointed and Chosen

It drives a few of my friends cuckoo that we keep our baby names a secret until the kids arrive (ahem, Rachel). :-)  We have several reasons for doing this way, and I have no regrets, but I wanted to share how we chose Seth's name.

We had a much harder time with a name this time around, and it was starting to make me nervous and frustrated.  If you know my husband, you know that he isn't a person to share thoughts or feelings - about anything - on the spot.  He needs time to process and think about things before sharing a response.  So, how do we choose a baby name?

I email him.

Yes, it's true.  I create a list of names I like and send them to Jim to mull over.  Isn't that crazy?  It doesn't bother me, and I guess that's what you get when you've been married for nearly twelve years.  You learn what does and doesn't work for your relationship.  Spur-of-the-moment baby-naming conversations just don't work for us.  I ask, "What do you think of this name?" and all I get is "I don't know." But if Jim has time to process and think about things, he can decide what he likes and what he hates.

I had originally wanted to name Seth something that started with the letter D so that my kids would be named in alphabetical order.  (Jim hated that idea, by the way.)  I really liked the name Dalton and we considered it, but when I looked up the meaning and found out it meant "town in the valley," I felt like it was lacking somehow.  A few other names that I liked had decent meanings, and one of my favorites was Kellan: "Descendant of the Brightheaded One."  It seemed perfect because Jim is so intelligent and also because my grandfather at one time had red hair.  However, when I looked up the name Seth, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Seth means "appointed" or "chosen."

We knew after we had Cora that we wanted to have a third child.  We also knew that we should wait until 2012 before we started trying for number three.  Financially and practically, waiting was the best decision.  So when we found out I was pregnant last fall, we were shocked.  Quite truthfully, I freaked out.  This wasn't what we had decided!  This was officially the least calculated thing Jim or I had ever done.

So when I saw that the name Seth - which I already liked - meant "appointed" or "chosen," I started to weep.  God had chosen this baby for our family.  He had chosen the timing.   He had appointed Seth to do great things, hopefully for His Kingdom!  God was in control.

After I started mentally calling Seth by name, I realized that Seth was also the third child named in the Bible.  Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel, and then they have Seth.  Just a cool fact.

Seth's middle name is Bryant, and that isn't quite as momentous.  I liked the name when I saw it on my friend Erin's wedding invitation last year.  (It is her husband John's middle name.)  I liked the way it flowed with Seth's first name, and when I looked up the meaning and found that it meant "strong and honorable," that sealed the deal.

Seth's name was very carefully chosen for our sweet boy, and considering how much I prayed about it, I really believe that God gave us his name.  I deeply pray that his name will be a perfect description of the man he will become.  I pray that God has appointed him to do great work for His kingdom and that he will be strong and honorable.  I believe that he will.

The First 3+ Weeks with #3

All photos by Hope Warfel Photography.  

I'm exhausted today (and every day), and my brain is a jumbled mess, but I know that I need to make an effort to record the things I'm thinking about and living with as we transition to life as a family of five.  Don't be super impressed that I am finding time to blog... It is a sacrifice and does not in any way indicate that I "have it all together."  I've been calling my kids by the wrong name, have only cooked one real meal in the last four weeks, and haven't kept a very good list of gifts for my thank you notes.  I'm just like anyone else.

I thought I would answer some of the questions I seem to get asked most often.

Does he sleep well for you?

Seth is a seriously good baby.  He eats a lot in one feeding (he is not a grazer), he sleeps well between feedings, and he is very easygoing.  Each time we have taken him on an outing, he has slept the entire time we've been gone without making so much as a peep.  Yesterday I pumped milk and Jim gave Seth a bottle for the first time.  I remember Cora and Brennan balking at the bottle the first time, but not Seth.  He took it as though he has had a hundred others.  Nothing fazes him!

I'm getting sleep in about 1.5 - 2 hour intervals at night.  Seth eats every 2 - 3 hours, but a feeding with a diaper change lasts about 40ish minutes, so I have very interrupted sleep.  The good news is that as soon as we get everything done, I lay him down and he goes right back to sleep.  So, I'm very tired, but I'm not so sleep deprived that I'm nearly hallucinating like I did when Cora was an infant.

How is it going?

I'm enjoying life with a newborn so much more than I ever have before.  I guess it is because I know it is the last time I will experience this.  Breastfeeding is pretty painful (it's just how I am... the lactation consultants can't really find an explanation), but I just deal with it and look into Seth's sweet, innocent little face, and I am so in love.  I find as many opportunities as I can to snuggle with his warm little head next to my cheek.  I feel less resentful of the diaper changes and nighttime feedings because I know they won't last forever.  I don't panic when he cries, and I forgive myself when I can't immediately race to his side to make everything okay.  I am more confident, relaxed, and content this time around.

I'm crazy about my little boy and even more in love with him than I thought I could be.  That said, I am having a hard time, emotionally.  After spending so many months getting fat and feeling miserable, I was really eager to start losing baby weight and reclaiming my body.  In the first few weeks, that began to happen, and I was doing great.  However, about a week and a half ago, I stalled out.  And not just that... I gained two pounds back.  This has never happened to me before, and it is so discouraging!!  I completely understand that I'm only three and a half weeks postpartum.  I do not expect to fit in my regular jeans or look good.  All I want is to see progress.  I just want to get out of maternity clothes and start wearing super large regular clothes... But gaining weight?  What is that all about?  I'm not pigging out, I am nursing exclusively (which is supposed to burn 500 calories a a day!), and I'm actively taking care of two other kids. You'd think I'd have burned enough calories to lose at least a single pound over a week and a half, but no such luck.  Every day that I get on the scale and see that same miserable number, I am crushed.  I don't look like me when I look in the mirror...  I don't look like me, I don't feel like me, and I wonder: How in the world am I going to get this weight off?  What if I don't? You don't want to know the kinds of spiritual and mental battles I go through every morning when I get dressed.  It isn't pretty.  

My emotions aren't just all about weight loss, either.  I'm worried about huge hospital bills, I'm afraid of spending a summer at home - alone - with three kids, I'm frustrated at my inability to put together coherent thoughts, and I just feel a little lost.  I wouldn't say I'm depressed (I'm actually really happy with my life!), but I am struggling with my hormones, my emotions, and lots of irrational thoughts and fears.

How are Brennan and Cora adjusting?

Brennan and Cora adore Seth.  They are absolutely crazy for him.  They love to check and see if his eyes are open and whether he might be looking at them.  They love to hold him, and they love to try to get him to grip their fingers.  Cora also loves to help get him diapers and cover him in blankets and get his pacifier when he is crying.  (We've had to work on keeping blankets off his head, particularly when I am out of the room.)  

Of course, everything isn't perfect.  Cora has become more argumentative (probably just an age thing as much as an adjustment to the baby), and Brennan has started with some annoying baby talk.  But all things considered, the adjustment has been amazingly smooth.  I really couldn't ask for more.