2011 Goals in Review

Last year, on January 15th, I committed to paper screen the three things I wanted to most accomplish in 2011.  Here were my three personal goals for last year:

1. Read every word of the Bible in a year.
2. Write on my blog at least once a week.
3. Leave the Nashville area at least four times.

So, how did I do?  Well, I accomplished two of the three, and if you read my blog regularly, you know at which one I failed.  :-)

I did read every word of the Bible in a year, and I left Nashville four times.  (We went to Dallas twice, I went to Townsend, TN for a women's retreat in the spring, and we went to Bryson City, NC for our anniversary over the summer.)  I did not manage to blog once every week, but I did become a little more consistent about blogging than I had once been, so it is at least a step in the right direction.

Here are a few specific thoughts on reaching my goals:

Reading the Bible
Reading the whole Bible last year was amazing.  I wasn't always consistent about reading every single day, but I did promise myself I'd get done in a year, and I did.  Reading God's word from Genesis to Revelation was enlightening and powerful and it at least doubled or tripled the size of the box I put God in.  I have been a Christian for almost twenty-six years, and I had never once read the entire Old Testament.  I feared it, and now I have to admit I really enjoyed it!  If it's possible, salvation means even more when you read the whole story.  What an amazing, thorough, perfect, incomprehensible plan God has for us!  Why on earth I hadn't taken the time to read God's whole love story to us is beyond me!

I have two friends already who have told me they have made reading the Bible a goal for 2012.  I am so encouraged that others want to take this magnificent journey, too.  I have been asked now several times what reading plan Jim and I used, so in case you are interested, here are the details:

• We used a chronological reading plan.  Personally, I have never understood how all of the pieces of Bible history fit together.  Before, if you had talked to me about "before or after Babylonian captivity" I would have given you a blank stare.  Reading the Bible in chronological order helped me to connect the dots I already had as well as put some in place that I didn't even know I was missing.
• The website we used is http://www.youversion.com/.  I like youversion because it can sync up with your phone (I finished some readings in car line, at the airport, or at the chiropractor), and it gives you a check box after you've finished a chapter.  This doesn't sound like a big deal, but for someone like me who doesn't always keep up with reading (or who may get interrupted by needy little people), it is very helpful to know where you left off.  I'm not saying that youversion is what everyone should use, but it met my needs better than anything else I found.
• I read a translation that was comfortable for me so I could apply it to my life.  It wasn't King James and it wasn't The Message, but it was somewhere in between.  :-)

If you decide to read the Bible through, please let me know!  I love hearing and seeing the domino effect of one person encouraging another!

Leaving Town
I really am a happier person when I see new things and have adventures to look forward to.  This past year was a difficult year for us financially and emotionally as we had a lot of unexpected things come our way.  I really think that one of the reasons our marriage stayed so strong is because we had three trips out of town together without the kids.  This is a lot (!), and I know it isn't realistic to think we will have a luxury like that every year.  However, I believe that God knew what we needed and when we needed it, and He provided perfectly.

Blogging
Having a "successful" blog isn't as important to me as keeping a record of our daily lives and milestones and having a forum I can use to connect with other women like me.  It does make me a little sad when I pour my heart and soul into a post and no one comments here on the blog, but I've decided that if the blog isn't for me and my family, it isn't worth having.  So for now I'm okay with posting when I am able and letting go of the rest.

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I am still trying to figure out what my personal goals are for 2012.  (I do have some house goals, and I'll share those in the next few days!)  I really liked having goals this past year, and I feel a little lost and directionless without them right now (which is so weird, since I have never set any like this before).  However, I know that this year is going to be very different with a newborn, and I don't want to get in over my head.  So, I'm praying and waiting, and I guess we'll see what God lays on my heart.

How about you?  Did you set goals last year?  How did you do?  Do you have goals for 2012?

Life is a Bowl Full of Cherries

Yesterday we spent the day at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital having tests done on Cora.  She had an ultrasound and a VCUG (Voiding Cysto-Urethogram) which basically involved a catheter, dye, tons of x-rays, and lots and lots of tears.  It's a very invasive, frightening test for a little person, and Cora had it done on no sleep, right in the middle of naptime (not my choice).

We found out that Cora has something called VUR (vesicoureteral reflux), which is a pediatric condition that allows urine to flow backwards from the bladder to the kidneys.  If untreated, this condition can cause kidney infections, kidney damage, scarring, high blood pressure, and other issues.  Fortunately, we should be able to keep problems at bay with a daily low-dose antibiotic and monitoring by a urologist until she outgrows the condition.  If you want a simple, easy-to-understand explanation of VUR, check this website.

This diagnosis comes on the heels of a lot of other medical stuff we've had going on.  Cora has been sick on and off for about a month (related to the VUR), and before that, if you remember, I hurt my back and had to have x-rays and chiropractic care.  To add to the fun, Jim had to have a root canal and a crown a few weeks ago, to the tune of $2000.

We haven't had too many breaks in these last twenty-one months and neither has our bank account.  Colic, reflux, milk protein problems, ear infections, tubes, VUR... It is all starting to take its toll.  I'm tired and I'm discouraged.  I'm concerned about money and how we will get through any more emergencies.

Each day I find myself scheming for ways I can make a few dollars.  I've looked into tutoring and selling craft items as well as a few other things, but none of them seem right.  Deep in my heart I know that my attempts to find a financial solution are really just me not trusting God.  I truly, truly believe that I need to focus on my family this fall.  We are on the brink of so many changes: kindergarten, seminary, women's ministry, and several other new things that are new to our plates.  And every money-making thing I think of feels like more of a distraction than a blessing.  Unless I can find a job I love that pays me to work only two days a week while Cora is at Mother's Day Out (also a potentially new thing this fall) and doesn't require extra time on the side, I can't see how the income could be less than a hindrance.

And still I fear.

Last night I led a Bible study on the parable of the sower from Matthew 13, Mark 4, and Luke 8.  This is one of Jesus' more well-known parables about the seed being scattered on different types of soil.  At the end of his explanation of the parable, Jesus says this:

"But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."  Luke 8:15

I LOVE that when I looked up verses yesterday for my own life (unrelated to my preparations for the Bible study), I found Jeremiah 17: 7 and 8:

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

I just don't think these connected verses are a coincidence.  I can't claim to be good soil and have God in charge of my life if I'm not bearing fruit.  And I can't bear fruit if I'm afraid and trying to control everything.  So even though I don't know where our money will come from, I will try to stop worrying and trust that God will provide. (Matthew 6:25 - 33)

Even though I don't know what will happen with Cora's health and kidneys, I will believe that God has a plan for her life and wants to prosper her and not harm her. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Even though I'm intimidated by this huge time of change our family has ahead of us, I will believe that God is leading our family and will honor our desire to serve Him. (Matthew 6:33)

I'm eager to produce good fruit, but some days I just crave chocolate.

Cora's Dedication

On May 22nd, we had Cora dedicated at our church.  It was a very significant event for us as a family, and I have put off writing about it because I haven't been sure I would be able to express adequately what it meant to us.  And, if I'm honest, I'm afraid of silence.  I used to get lots of comments on this blog after I was featured on other blogs, but things have gotten pretty quiet lately.  It's probably because I was featured as a craft / decorating blog, and posts about my kids don't really interest those who don't know me.  I totally get that.  However, I can't cater just to those who don't know me.  One of my main reasons for blogging is to keep a record of our lives for my children, and I want them to know how incredibly important Cora's dedication was to us.

So, despite my fears that people won't care, I have to stay true to my heart and my kids and write about something that matters to us...

We are thankful to go to a small church.  We are not mega-church people at all.  We want a church where we can know people and have everyone know us - where we can build lots of meaningful relationships.  We just want to be driven by Jesus and not distracted by numbers.  One of the benefits of having a small church is that it can be really personal.  And that's exactly what Cora's dedication was.

In the past, our church has done mass dedications the way most churches do.  However, they weren't really personal or meaningful.  We didn't dedicate Cora as an infant because it didn't seem important to to stand up front and have her look cute for two minutes without giving any real thought to the reason we were there.

One day, our children's ministry director - and my good friend - Hope, shared with me that her kids' dedications were some of the most significant days of her life.  I simply couldn't understand that.  Brennan's dedication had been nice, but I would hardly count it as that significant.

As I talked with Hope about how I wish dedications at our church were more meaningful, she started plotting and scheming to make them just that.  And before I knew it, she announced that the church was going to try something new: dedicating only one child in a given month.

The new method would require "homework" for the parents which included writing a letter to the child about who they wished the child would become.  The point was not just to talk about worldly success, but to talk about our deepest prayers and aspirations for our child.

Writing this letter was the most significant part of Cora's dedication.  It gave us an opportunity to be thoughtful about parenting and how we defined "success" in Cora's life.  It was a chance to be intentional.

After we had finished our homework, Hope came to our house and videotaped us talking about Cora, and reading our letters.  We probably shot 45 minutes of unedited video, which she is going to burn to CD for us to give to Cora someday.  I cannot imagine what that would mean to me, to have something like that from my parents.  It makes me cry and gives me goosebumps to think about it.

In the end, the video was pared down to about 3.5 minutes, which were shared with the congregation.  Then we were called up front, Hope read some scripture, and our pastor, Jay, prayed for Cora.  It was very, very sweet.

If you'd like to watch the video that was shared with the church, you can view it here.

The dedication is just a chance to acknowledge that our children belong to Jesus.  We want nothing more in this whole world than for our kids to know, love, and serve God.  It's really that simple.  We are thankful to Hope and our church for an opportunity to proclaim that in a way that will hopefully impact others and leave a legacy for our kids.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

—Psalm 127:3-5

I've Had My Head in the Clouds!

I had been doing really well at keeping up with my goals for the year... until now.  One of my goals had been to blog at least once a week, and, for the first time this year, I have failed.  Sorry.  :-(  But if it counts for anything, I failed because I was working towards one of my other goals:  I left Nashville!  (Hooray!)

This past Thursday through Saturday, I headed to the Smoky Mountains for a Women's Retreat with my church.  Seventeen of us headed to a cabin in the clouds (seriously... it was like driving straight up to Heaven), and it was so. much. fun!

(Yes, I drove my little Honda up here on narrow, switchback roads.  It was so steep my gas gauge dropped by a quarter tank until I got to a level parking space at the top.)

Over the course of the weekend we had gourmet cupcakes...

... other good food (well, it was mostly good because we didn't have to cook)...

...and we went ziplining through the trees!!!

We had great conversations, some thought-provoking Bible study, and lots and lots of laughs.  I mean, I don't remember the last time I laughed as much as I did in the course of those three days.  It was good for my soul.

Something unexpected happened while I was at the retreat, too.  I led the Bible study, and I discovered all over again how much I love teaching!  Throughout the weekend several people told me that they enjoyed my teaching and that I had a gift for making them understand and feel excited about what they were learning.  It made me feel so good, and it was like finding a piece of myself that I didn't know had "gone missing."  I think at one time I knew I was a good teacher, but I had honestly forgotten.  Teaching again was like coming home.

And this discovery was by no means the most profound part of the weekend.  I took so much away that I'm still thinking through.  I'm reexamining how I spend my time and resources, and trying to figure out how to be a better follower of Christ.

It really was a wonderful weekend.

It was beautiful.
It was fun.
It was thought-provoking.
It was inspiring.
It was memorable.

The Holy Spirit was present.  I'm excited to see what God is going to do in the lives of the women in my church!

Reflections on March 20th

March 20th was my grandfather's birthday.  Grandpa helped to raise my sister and me, and he was a very significant part of my life growing up.  He passed away two years ago when I was pregnant with Cora, and he never lived to find out I was having a girl.

He had really hoped it was a girl.

Oh, how he would have adored Cora if he had known her.

Even though I miss Grandpa, today was not a day of mourning or sadness in our house.  In fact, it was a day of great celebration.

Today Jim and I were baptized.

I wish I could describe what an incredible experience this was.  I have been thinking all day about how to describe our spiritual journey in these last months as we have made the decision to be baptized, but it is a really hard thing to put into words.

It has been, for me, a time of intense emotion and spiritual evaluation.  I've had to shed my inhibitions, examine the Bible for what it really says, (and stop depending on tradition and denominational experience to tell me what to believe) and step out in faith.

I could write many paragraphs about how I decided to get baptized today and what I learned in the process, but I'm drained tonight.  Plus, it's really hard to share something so personal on such a public forum.

But, I will say this.  This blog is about things that I love:  Family, decorating, parties, teaching...  And those things are good and have some value in this life.  But those things will all pass away.  They bring pleasure, but they don't bring eternal hope.  Only Jesus can bring hope.  Only Jesus saves.  He is my everything, and I am thankful that now, when I think of March 20th...

I won't just think about my sweet Grandpa.  I'll think of my sweet Savior and a very special symbol of obedience.

God is good.  All the time.

Values and Priorities

Yesterday morning Jim sent me a link to an article he had read, and it bothered me all day.  It's about priorities, and here is the part that got to me:

"If an executive has their Blackberry at his kid’s ballgame because work it still a priority, then how much does he value the fleeting time he has to watch his kids grow up?

If the urgent always takes priority over the important, then how much do we value the important over the urgent?

If indeed we value things that we are not prioritizing or prioritizing things we do not value as much, then perhaps it is time to realign our priorities..."

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I have been thinking a lot about the time I spend crafting and decorating and blogging, and I have been asking myself a lot of questions:  Why do those things matter to me?  Is it okay to spend time on them?  Does God approve of this use of my time?  Can I justify making a room look pretty when there are people all over the world who don't have clean clothes to wear or food to eat?

And what about my kids?  Are they getting the best of me?

At the beginning of the year we signed up to sponsor two children through Compassion and World Vision.  And as I have thought about their lives and their needs, I have felt more and more guilty about my own life.  I feel guilty for having so much, for pursuing beauty when it is so inconsequential, for putting my time and energy into things that don't really matter (like, big-picture matter).   And yet I know that guilt and shame are not of our Father.  I know that the enemy is taking my good thoughts and using them to make me feel bad about who I am.  He starts distorting things so that I feel bad about having food to eat and beautiful clothes to wear and the fact that my kids have toys...  And pretty soon I even feel guilty for living in an affluent country.


I won't let Satan win.  After weeks of grappling with these thoughts and mulling them over all day yesterday, here is where I have landed on these issues:

- God made me this way.  I have an eye for aesthetics and a passion for the fun, creative, and crafty.  I can choose to embrace or deny these things, but they're still a part of who I am.  I can use my skills to bless friends and family with homemade gifts and baby showers and comfortable, safe spaces, or I can use those skills to seek fame and fortune, in which case I will be deeply disappointed.

- God made this world beautiful just because He could.  Several people have reminded me of this in the last few days, and I appreciate the reminder.  I have always been obsessed with trees (ob.sessed.) and I love to include them in my decorating because they make me think of my favorite Designer.  He appreciates beauty and is the source of all creativity.  Beauty isn't bad... God MADE everything beautiful!

- My kids are not being cheated.  I work hard to make sure that's true.  Sometimes I get wrapped up in a project too much and regret that I didn't spend more quality time with them, but that is true for every mom.  I am aware of my selfish tendencies and set boundaries so that the kids do not suffer too often.  And the very fact that a simple article on priorities could make me cry shows that I care deeply and my kids are going to be okay.

Honoring the Lord is what I value most in this life.  I'm going to look harder at the way I spend my time and make sure that it is also my top priority.

Broken Hearts

Several months ago Jim and I agreed to host a community group at our house for the year.  About every two weeks we have a group of people come over to talk about God, life, and whatever else comes up.  When we were first given the list of people in our group, I laughed.  Three of the families in the group were pregnant, and one couple was expecting twins.  I joked that we were going to have our work cut out for us, caring for these families. 

The couple in our group who was expecting twins ended up having them months early.  They were in the NICU riding an incredibly emotional roller coaster for a long time, until the blessed day when they got to bring the boys home.  For a few weeks, this sweet family adjusted to life as a family of five.  Then, one of the babies got sick.  Really sick.  Thomas had a heart condition that worsened, and, after numerous surgeries and procedures, it became really clear that there was nothing else the family could do for him.  It was tragic.  It was nightmarish.  Really, there are no words strong enough to describe what it was like to get the call from Janna that Thomas was going to die that day.  I will never, ever forget that call.

Last Monday Jim and I went to a funeral that should never have been.  It was the first infant funeral I have ever been to, and I am begging God that it will be the last.  As I sat through the service, marveling at the family's strength and faith, I was struck by the fact that the last funeral I attended was my grandfather's.  He died at age 88, after living a long, full, and happy life.  It made Thomas's funeral even more unsettling.  It was so unfair.  It was so wrong.

John and Janna have been a pillar of strength and faith through these past many months.  They don't think they've done anything marvelous.  They don't want attention for their faith.  Janna has dutifully kept a blog of their experience, and deep down, I know she wishes that no one would read it and everyone would just go away.  But it doesn't work that way.  Their grieving has become public and their pain affects everyone.

And really, that's just the way God designed the church.  When one member is wounded, everyone hurts.  When someone is mourning, we all grieve alongside them.  It doesn't always work that way, but it should.  The times in the last five years when I have seen the church work the way God intended it, I have been astounded at what God's love looks - and feels - like, being poured out by others.  It is like nothing else.  I never, ever wish the kind of pain the McGregors have had to endure on anyone.  (I know God doesn't want that for us, either.)  I do, however, want for everyone who lives through that kind of pain to know the kind of love that I have seen poured out on the McGregor family.  I know it pleases our Lord.  And I know that John and Janna's desire, through all of their suffering, to see people come to Christ is what our faith is all about.  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they will someday hear their God say, "Well done, good and faithful servants."

Thomas's broken heart has left many of us with broken hearts, as well.  I'm praying for God to heal and mend in a way that only He can.