Sunday was a sweet Mother's Day. I was served breakfast in bed (Brennan's idea and Daddy's effort), I was given a bunch of precious homemade treasures, and I got to go out to dinner with my two favorite little people and adoring husband. I felt loved.
And I needed to feel loved.
I hurt my back last Thursday, and it has been terrible. I haven't been myself at all. I have had to feel all kinds of unpleasant things. Besides feeling incredible pain, I feel helpless, worthless, and dependent. Those things are just as uncomfortable for me as sleeping on the floor.
Being hurt makes me really look at myself honestly. Some of what I see is good, and some of it isn't. Although my desire to serve my family and friends is a good thing, my stubbornness is not always my best trait. And I'm discovering that my not wanting to ask for help is because I don't always feel secure enough in my relationships to believe that people really want to help me. Of course, I've been on the other side of things, and I know that when I offer to help people, I mean it. When I'm the one who needs help, I worry: Am I asking too much? Am I being needy? Am I being selfish?
Brennan is good at teaching me things. He tells me when he needs a hug. He tells me when I have hurt his feelings. He trusts me to love him unconditionally. When he asks for a hug, he can be pretty confident that he will get one and it will be given with love. He doesn't have any baggage that tells him to do everything for himself.
Kids are so good like that. I learn a lot from my kids.
In fact, Brennan teaches me all kinds of things I didn't know about myself. Like almost everything in this list below:
How sweet! I think the second to the last one where when you grow up you want to be his mom is definitely you. :)
ReplyDelete