I haven't been much of a blogger lately. I could say that I've been too busy, but that would be a lie. I've just been unmotivated. I don't know how to do light-hearted, silly posts when my heart is heavy, and I'm tired of focusing on difficult things, so I have just avoided writing altogether.
It is hard to explain why I've been so down. Life has just been hard. Our medical bills have been causing a lot of stress, several friends near and far have been through huge, life-altering things lately (major surgery, a nearly fatal car accident, cross-country moves, marital problems, grief, and fertility issues), and the summer heat (and humidity) is oppressive and feels endless.
Yesterday I headed to the dentist for my cleaning, and I was sick with dread. I have noticed for the last two weeks that one of my teeth is looking funny and appears to have something terribly wrong with it. I was just sure the dentist was going to have really bad news. I kept thinking about thousands of dollars in dental work and how we just don't have it right now. I kept picturing an ugly smile and how self-conscious that would make me. I sat in my car before the appointment and prayed to / pleaded with God to spare us one more thing right now. At the end of the appointment, when the dentist told me that everything was fine and was nothing to worry about, I actually started to cry. It hadn't seemed possible at the start of the appointment that everything would be okay. But God can do anything, and He did.
That dentist appointment somehow felt like a turning point for me. It was the first good news I've had in a while. It was like a huge ray of sunshine in the middle of storms. God is working on my behalf, and He chose to show me when I needed it most. This is a difficult season, but it will end at some point.
We are entering a new season, and I'm ready. Right now everything is in limbo, and I am ready to stop worrying about change and get started. I'm ready for cooler weather, a routine, and a new normal. Let's get this party started.