I am writing this post from Jim's computer because I don't have one anymore. My house is currently 83 degrees and I am miserably hot because our conditioner keeps breaking. My kids have been sick for an entire week with sore throats, fevers, vomiting and diarrhea, and Brennan missed his last two days of kindergarten. To say that this has been a hard week is a major understatement.
(If you aren't too depressed to stay with me, here are some of the details:)
Last Saturday when I tried to turn on my computer, it just wouldn't turn on. The Geek Squad (aka Jim) looked at it, and he there was nothing we could do. He saved my hard drive and all of my work, photos, etc., but the machine itself was dead. It is four years old, and I honestly don't know if a day has ever gone by that I haven't used it. All of that use and abuse was bound to catch up with us sooner or later, but I just wasn't prepared.
I started writing a blog post a week or two ago about how I have been saving money for the last six months for my first decent camera. I have wanted to own a good camera and take classes for about sixteen years now, and in December I decided that it was time to embrace the dream, even if it took a year to save enough mad money. I have done lots of research, talked off the ears of several of my photographer friends, and saved about $450, but it now looks like I will need to give up on the camera yet again and put the money towards a new computer. It's dumb, but it has actually made me cry.
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When we were building our house, we questioned the single air conditioning unit that was supposed to cool our 3000+ square foot house. We were assured that it was an Energy Star home and didn't need more than one unit. Even though we were skeptical, we bought the hype. Two years and many issues later, we wish we had trusted our instincts. We now have a technician making a house call at 9:00 on a Saturday night. He is telling us that some freon will "get us by" until a store opens on Tuesday. This just had to happen on Memorial Day Weekend.
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Last Sunday when I got up for church, Brennan told me his stomach felt yucky and he was hot. He had a fever and it was decided that he would stay home with Jim while Cora, Seth, and I went to church. As we were getting ready to leave, Cora vomited all over the floor. The next seven days were a roller coaster ride of one kid getting better while the other showed new symptoms. I am hopeful tonight that everyone is on the mend, but I don't know what to think anymore.
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If I were reading this on someone else's blog, I'd be tempted to tell them that it will all get better soon. And it's probably true. But today, for me, it doesn't feel like it. Every day is a struggle with cranky kids and new challenges. I feel disconnected. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like nothing in my life is mine right now. I can't wear any of my own clothes. I can't have a conversation without being interrupted thirty-six times. I can't send an email until my husband gets home at night with a computer. I can't run errands or go anywhere without thinking through everyone's schedules. I can't even go to bed at night to get a break. I can't continue to pursue the one thing I was doing for me without sacrificing major sanity points.
I know it's all temporary. I've survived the newborn stage two other times and know that it is fleeting. But when I'm sitting in a sauna house with cranky kids who want to watch another television show and my middle child throws a tantrum and refuses to go upstairs and take a nap and I lose track of how much powdered sugar I've put in my recipe and I can't get onto my computer to look up said recipe, and my newborn needs to nurse, I just feel like I am going to crack.
Last night a couple of friends took me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, and I felt like I was watching the whole evening through a piece of thick glass. I heard every word and enjoyed my friends completely, but I didn't feel like a participant. I couldn't laugh with my whole heart, I couldn't relax, and I couldn't think of anything witty to say. I worried the whole time that they were thinking, "Melissa hasn't been very fun in about a year. I don't want to hang out with her anymore." I hope that's not true because I need tons of support right now.
I am eager to get everyone well, find a summer schedule that works for us (I had just found my stride and then the school year ended!), and start being fun again. Maybe I need to go line dancing or kayaking or something new this fall when I don't have a baby tethered to my breast. Who's in? :-)
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Busy and Fun
Life has been busy and fun this past two weeks. Here are a few highlights:
Brennan is playing outdoor soccer this season, and Jim is his assistant coach. Their team is undefeated with only a couple of games left, but there is really no emphasis on scores at this age. They are playing hard and having a great time.
Seth turned one month old on Friday. He is getting so big!
We are constantly amazed at how much Seth looks like Brennan. Check out these pictures below of the two boys at 3 - 4 weeks of age (isn't it crazy how strong their necks are?! It makes them look six months old!!):
(Use your thumbs to cover up their hair... Isn't it wild?)
I went to a Mexican mustache baby shower for my friend Janna last week, and it was a lot of fun. Everyone got in on the action, including the youngest partygoers.
We are getting into a groove around here schedule-wise, and I have even lost four pounds in the last eight days. I totally changed the way I was eating, and obviously it has helped. Things are looking up.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Appointed and Chosen
It drives a few of my friends cuckoo that we keep our baby names a secret until the kids arrive (ahem, Rachel). :-) We have several reasons for doing this way, and I have no regrets, but I wanted to share how we chose Seth's name.
We had a much harder time with a name this time around, and it was starting to make me nervous and frustrated. If you know my husband, you know that he isn't a person to share thoughts or feelings - about anything - on the spot. He needs time to process and think about things before sharing a response. So, how do we choose a baby name?
I email him.
Yes, it's true. I create a list of names I like and send them to Jim to mull over. Isn't that crazy? It doesn't bother me, and I guess that's what you get when you've been married for nearly twelve years. You learn what does and doesn't work for your relationship. Spur-of-the-moment baby-naming conversations just don't work for us. I ask, "What do you think of this name?" and all I get is "I don't know." But if Jim has time to process and think about things, he can decide what he likes and what he hates.
I had originally wanted to name Seth something that started with the letter D so that my kids would be named in alphabetical order. (Jim hated that idea, by the way.) I really liked the name Dalton and we considered it, but when I looked up the meaning and found out it meant "town in the valley," I felt like it was lacking somehow. A few other names that I liked had decent meanings, and one of my favorites was Kellan: "Descendant of the Brightheaded One." It seemed perfect because Jim is so intelligent and also because my grandfather at one time had red hair. However, when I looked up the name Seth, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Seth means "appointed" or "chosen."
We knew after we had Cora that we wanted to have a third child. We also knew that we should wait until 2012 before we started trying for number three. Financially and practically, waiting was the best decision. So when we found out I was pregnant last fall, we were shocked. Quite truthfully, I freaked out. This wasn't what we had decided! This was officially the least calculated thing Jim or I had ever done.
So when I saw that the name Seth - which I already liked - meant "appointed" or "chosen," I started to weep. God had chosen this baby for our family. He had chosen the timing. He had appointed Seth to do great things, hopefully for His Kingdom! God was in control.
After I started mentally calling Seth by name, I realized that Seth was also the third child named in the Bible. Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel, and then they have Seth. Just a cool fact.
Seth's middle name is Bryant, and that isn't quite as momentous. I liked the name when I saw it on my friend Erin's wedding invitation last year. (It is her husband John's middle name.) I liked the way it flowed with Seth's first name, and when I looked up the meaning and found that it meant "strong and honorable," that sealed the deal.
Seth's name was very carefully chosen for our sweet boy, and considering how much I prayed about it, I really believe that God gave us his name. I deeply pray that his name will be a perfect description of the man he will become. I pray that God has appointed him to do great work for His kingdom and that he will be strong and honorable. I believe that he will.
We had a much harder time with a name this time around, and it was starting to make me nervous and frustrated. If you know my husband, you know that he isn't a person to share thoughts or feelings - about anything - on the spot. He needs time to process and think about things before sharing a response. So, how do we choose a baby name?
I email him.
Yes, it's true. I create a list of names I like and send them to Jim to mull over. Isn't that crazy? It doesn't bother me, and I guess that's what you get when you've been married for nearly twelve years. You learn what does and doesn't work for your relationship. Spur-of-the-moment baby-naming conversations just don't work for us. I ask, "What do you think of this name?" and all I get is "I don't know." But if Jim has time to process and think about things, he can decide what he likes and what he hates.
I had originally wanted to name Seth something that started with the letter D so that my kids would be named in alphabetical order. (Jim hated that idea, by the way.) I really liked the name Dalton and we considered it, but when I looked up the meaning and found out it meant "town in the valley," I felt like it was lacking somehow. A few other names that I liked had decent meanings, and one of my favorites was Kellan: "Descendant of the Brightheaded One." It seemed perfect because Jim is so intelligent and also because my grandfather at one time had red hair. However, when I looked up the name Seth, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Seth means "appointed" or "chosen."
We knew after we had Cora that we wanted to have a third child. We also knew that we should wait until 2012 before we started trying for number three. Financially and practically, waiting was the best decision. So when we found out I was pregnant last fall, we were shocked. Quite truthfully, I freaked out. This wasn't what we had decided! This was officially the least calculated thing Jim or I had ever done.
So when I saw that the name Seth - which I already liked - meant "appointed" or "chosen," I started to weep. God had chosen this baby for our family. He had chosen the timing. He had appointed Seth to do great things, hopefully for His Kingdom! God was in control.
After I started mentally calling Seth by name, I realized that Seth was also the third child named in the Bible. Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel, and then they have Seth. Just a cool fact.
Seth's middle name is Bryant, and that isn't quite as momentous. I liked the name when I saw it on my friend Erin's wedding invitation last year. (It is her husband John's middle name.) I liked the way it flowed with Seth's first name, and when I looked up the meaning and found that it meant "strong and honorable," that sealed the deal.
Seth's name was very carefully chosen for our sweet boy, and considering how much I prayed about it, I really believe that God gave us his name. I deeply pray that his name will be a perfect description of the man he will become. I pray that God has appointed him to do great work for His kingdom and that he will be strong and honorable. I believe that he will.