32 Weeks

How far along: 32 Weeks

How I feel:  I feel exhausted, a little frustrated, and eager to get things done.  I'm getting weary of being pregnant, and I'm tired of being clumsy, unattractive, forgetful, and distracted.  I know better than to think I'll get my life back right after the baby is born, so I'm trying to just take things one day at a time for now.

Maternity clothes:  I really miss fun clothes and feeling put together.  I'm tired of tee-shirts, maternity jeans, and ponytails.  Next fall / winter I need to do some serious shopping and schedule a big girls' night out so I can feel like cute again!

Sleep:  It's pretty terrible now.  I can't get comfortable, I can't stay comfortable, I wake constantly to go to the bathroom, and I get up really sore and achy.  It has just gotten really bad in the past week.

Best moment this month:  Jim and I had a date night last week, and it was a lot of fun to go out for a simple dinner by ourselves.

Movement:  He has had hiccups a little more lately, and he is getting big enough that I have felt limbs (or maybe a head?) pressing on me instead of just flutters.  Last week the ultrasound showed that he weighed just over 4 pounds.  Typically he should have weighed just over 3 at that point, so he's definitely measuring a little on the big side.  (Anyone surprised?!)

Food cravings:  Sour cream and onion chips, Neopolitan ice cream, chocolate and decaf mochas.  (Healthy, huh?)

Labor Signs:  I've had some more Braxton Hicks, but last Monday at my ultrasound she could see that my cervix was stilled closed, so baby boy knows he's still got several weeks of growth on the inside.

Belly button in or out? SO out.  :-)

What I miss: I miss being able to breathe!!  Besides the pressure on the inside, my nose and ears are super congested, so I can't breathe through my nose or hear anything.

What I am looking forward to:  Getting the nursery started and finished!!!!  We have a gallon of paint, fabric for curtains, bedding still in packages, and a few decorations on their way in the mail.  But as of now, the room is still a cluttered disaster.  I'm dying to see order and organization that will make me feel like things are under control.  I'm also very much looking forward to my mother-in-law arriving in another week and a half.  She will be here for all of March and April, so I will have help with the kids during the final month before the baby comes and for a few weeks after he arrives.  What a blessing!!

What I am NOT looking forward to:  I'm dreading the final weeks of pregnancy.  The last four to six weeks are absolute torture for me.

Milestones: I had to stop wearing my engagement ring several weeks ago, which made me so sad.  I know that my wedding band will have to go before too much longer, and I really hate being super pregnant without a ring on my finger!


Weekly Wisdom: I know a girl who, on facebook, shared something she was looking forward to each week at the end of her pregnancy.  I took this to the extreme and planned big things for each of the last six weeks.  Each week I will have a party, girl's night out, date night, massage, or something else to look forward to instead of just surviving until the baby comes.  Next week I've got a girl's night with my friend Rachel M., and a dinner party to celebrate the baby with a few friends from church.  I can't wait!!

Here is a photo of our countdown paper chain.  I did this for Brennan when I was pregnant with Cora, and I felt like it helped him to understand so much better.  We have special events like Grandma's arrival, Brennan's birthday, Grandma's birthday, Easter, and a few other special things in brown, so in addition to counting down to the baby, it is easy to see when Brennan has a fun, big event coming up.

Ready??

Now that I am nearly 31 weeks pregnant, the question of the day has become, "Are you ready?"  And I really hate that question.  Is anyone ever ready?  And with your third child, is it possible to be ready?!  What does that even mean?

Emotionally, I am not ready.  I am eager to meet this little boy and kiss his head and snuggle him, but if I am super honest, I am terrified to reenter the baby stage.  Cora is in Mother's Day Out two days a week, and I really enjoy having productivity back in my life.  Knowing that I am heading back to round-the-clock nursing, dependency, and never having a moment to myself scares me to death.

Physically, I am not ready either.  We don't have a car that will fit our whole family, and we aren't sure how exactly we will pay for one.  We are hoping for a tax refund with all of our medical expenses and education expenses last year, but Jim still has so much to do to put our finances in order.

Also, the nursery hasn't even really been started.  I have ordered bedding, and the last part will come in this week, but I can't even get to the crib because it is shoved into the middle of the room (so Jim can eventually paint the walls).  I haven't started decorations, don't have a plan for curtains...  These things are so unlike me, but I can't do things we can't pay for.

I'm starting to feel anxiety well up within me.  It isn't that I am worried things won't get done.  I know they will.  I'm also not worried that things won't be okay.  I know they will.  What's bothering me is that so many things that need to be done right now are out of my hands.  I don't know how to do the taxes, I can't paint the walls, and I can't study for Jim's classes for him.  Lots of responsibility falls on Jim, and I just hate that.  He is a full-time computer guy, full-time dad, full-time husband, part-time seminary student, part-time teacher, church elder, etc., and I want to take some of the burden off of him.  I may be doing the hard work of growing his baby, but I want to also help lighten his load, and I can't.

I have a constant list going of all of the things that need to be done in the next eight weeks, and I am doing anything and everything I can to get those things checked off.  I have already made Brennan's birthday invitations and favors for his party at the end of March.  For a few weeks I have had everything ironed, organized, and tagged for the consignment sale I'm doing early next month.  Today I unearthed Easter baskets so I can start thinking about preparing for Easter (which I half expect to spend in the hospital).  Why am I being a nut?  I guess it's all my version of nesting.  I can't do the things I want to do, so I'm trying to do the things I can do.

This morning I had some back pain for the first time, and my sleep is becoming more and more disrupted, so I know that the misery is just around the corner.  I'm fully aware that in several weeks I will be extremely ready to get this baby out of my body.  That's another reason I feel anxious to hurry things along.  I know that my days of feeling decent and being able to do things are coming to an end soon.

Anyway, if you see me, please do not ask me if I am ready for this baby.  Will I love him to the moon and back?  Absolutely.  Am I anxious to meet and hold him?  For sure.  But am I ready for his arrival?  Not on your life.  Hopefully my tune will change in the next six to eight weeks.